It's not all about you...

Have you ever had this situation occur? You know the one. Where you ask an innocent question of your boss or your boyfriend or a cashier or anybody really, and the reply is snarky, nasty, high-pitched or angry? And you wonder to yourself, what did I say to deserve that reaction? Well, the answer is nothing - you most likely said nothing wrong. Because, their reaction is NOT ABOUT YOU.


Let me explain. This is something that over the years and through communication exercises and training, I've come to learn and observe. We are all unique individuals and we each carry with us our own baggage of some sort. Most of it learned far before we knew what the word ' learn' even means. On any given day, I might be frustrated about work or my level of fitness or an irritating thing my husband said, and you...might ask me an innocent question and I might just unleash on you without any provocation. Is that your fault? No. Is it my fault, Yes. Should you be upset that I threw all my negative feelings and energy at you...ultimately, NO. Because it wasn't about you. It was about me.


My point is this. We have sole control over our minds, emotions and bodies. We have control over how we act and react. We don't have control over how someone else feels or acts or speaks. If someone says or does something to you, you can not control that action, you can only control your reaction (which most of the time is called your attitude). And most things that happen to us are not about us.

The more you remember this, the more control you have over your life. I always have a self-chat about "can I control this?" And if the answer is "No.", then I move away and go about my business. Especially if it has the potential to negatively affect me. Life is too short to worry and deal with other people's drama. I only want positiveness in my life, and I do that by keeping myself surrounded by positive people and making conscious choices about what I will allow to affect me. 

I hope this makes sense to you. I have found this concept to be especially powerful and freeing for me. I want it to resonate for you too. Peace. 

Looking good for your age.

Helloooooo again!

 I'm back. I'm fired up. Let's chat!!

I'm changing the focus of my blog (after a two year hiatus, I've decided to pick it up again). I love fashion, I love make-up, and every darn girly thing out there. But, I realized I love it because it makes me feel good. And not just good but powerful and confident. And as I've gotten older, I realize that is my passion - wanting to make all women feel good, powerful and confident. 

Fashion is one way to feel that but there's other things that contribute. So, I'm going to start focusing on all those things I think help us as women. 

The topic today - something I grapple with daily - is looking age-appropriate. (I'm 44 and still looking good, but not as good as I did at 35) Most of the time, I think I'm doing okay but there are moments when I'm shopping at the GAP and think, "What the hell am I doing in this store? I'm not 16!" and then the next thing I know, I'm headed to the cashier. (can you relate?)

I should maybe start with what my definition is of age-appropriate. For me, it means, if you are over 33, you should no longer be wearing clothing you did when you were 25. It means your make-up should be a touch more subtle. It means you don't shop at PacSun or Claire's or  are buying your bras at Aerie. At 33 (in my opinion) you should be "grown-up". You now have a woman's body, and hopefully a clearer definition of your future and who you are as a person and if you're really lucky, a grown-up job (or family). 


This age is a pivotal point where we, as women, should be feeling our power and not relying so much on what we look like but on what we know. We should be presenting ourselves as the force-to-be-reckoned-with that being in our 30's gives us. Not clinging to whatever it was in our twenties we needed to feel valued (our bodies, our faces, our cute hair-twirling etc).

Here are my questions for you, dear readers. Do you have clothing in your closet that is over 5 years old? When was the last time you bought a different type of hair product? Or got a new hairstyle? Have you changed your make-up routine in the last 3 years?? And are you jeans giving you muffin top because they're too low? Are you clothes hole-y or pilled? 

If you answered "Yes.", "Never", "10 years ago", and "No", "Yes." and "Yeah." to these questions, then you are teetering on the precipice of UN-age appropriateness. 

Things change ladies and we have to change with them. Being current (not necessarily trendy, mind you) in your wardrobe, your make-up, your overall style is not frivolous, its powerful. It shows the world that you are in the NOW, you care about yourself and have a deep self-respect. Those are all pieces to the overall powerful feeling that keep us as women relevant to those around us. 

So, do a self-evaluation. How do you feel? How do you want to feel? Do you have control of your life? If your answer to any of these questions is not what you want it to be, then take action. And if you don't know how, ask me.

Peace, power and confidence.  -Ruth