It's not all about you...

Have you ever had this situation occur? You know the one. Where you ask an innocent question of your boss or your boyfriend or a cashier or anybody really, and the reply is snarky, nasty, high-pitched or angry? And you wonder to yourself, what did I say to deserve that reaction? Well, the answer is nothing - you most likely said nothing wrong. Because, their reaction is NOT ABOUT YOU.


Let me explain. This is something that over the years and through communication exercises and training, I've come to learn and observe. We are all unique individuals and we each carry with us our own baggage of some sort. Most of it learned far before we knew what the word ' learn' even means. On any given day, I might be frustrated about work or my level of fitness or an irritating thing my husband said, and you...might ask me an innocent question and I might just unleash on you without any provocation. Is that your fault? No. Is it my fault, Yes. Should you be upset that I threw all my negative feelings and energy at you...ultimately, NO. Because it wasn't about you. It was about me.


My point is this. We have sole control over our minds, emotions and bodies. We have control over how we act and react. We don't have control over how someone else feels or acts or speaks. If someone says or does something to you, you can not control that action, you can only control your reaction (which most of the time is called your attitude). And most things that happen to us are not about us.

The more you remember this, the more control you have over your life. I always have a self-chat about "can I control this?" And if the answer is "No.", then I move away and go about my business. Especially if it has the potential to negatively affect me. Life is too short to worry and deal with other people's drama. I only want positiveness in my life, and I do that by keeping myself surrounded by positive people and making conscious choices about what I will allow to affect me. 

I hope this makes sense to you. I have found this concept to be especially powerful and freeing for me. I want it to resonate for you too. Peace.